Tacoma School of the Arts had a 3 day camp at the start of each school season. The idea was to get kids comfortable with one another and to make friends. Well Cambria being her cheery, confident self went up to an upperclassman and introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Cambria.” Then came his response as he mimicked her in a high-pitched tone,”Hi, I’m Cambria,” and all his friends laughed. The conversation degraded from there and she was verbally harassed on and off through out the weekend. Though I will say as uncomfortable as this was, she had a few friends rally for her.

This was not how ‘my faith’ pictured her first week of school to be. It was hard to make sense of the events that happened because there was a part of me that felt that if God led me some where or asked me to do something that He would provide peace for my kids.

Well that brings me to this week. Cambria is at her second year of SOTA camp. She was voted Treasurer and her and a team of students have been meeting for weeks now to prepare for this event. Her negative experience has created some real insight and caused her to have a vision for the incoming sophomores.  I just got a text from her that reads: Really fun being older and making sophomores feel better.

I was on the phone with my mom when the girls started distracting me with conversation surrounding a caterpillar they had found. Soon their talking turned to tears as they discussed having to let the little creature go.  I excused myself to my mom, explaining the motherly duties I had to attend to.  When I walked over to my daughters I found them both sitting on the back porch sobbing uncontrollably as they tried to talk to me.  Between the sobs I found out that they were sad that the caterpillar might die if they tried to keep it and yet they were devastated at the thought of letting it go.

I tried to stifle my giggles as I somehow managed to comfort them. I couldn’t help but think how being a mom feels somewhat like the emotions of two little girls having to set a caterpillar free. In my journal I asked God to help me to  know how to let Cambria and Marissa go so that they could learn to fly in this world and to become all that He intended them to be.

This week as I’m sending my daughters back to school I am reflecting on moments past and present that require me to let go. I will be posting more on this to come. Hope you will stay tuned.

“We can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today. ” – by Melody Beattie

]]> http://rainymay.com/2010/07/02/309/feed/ 0 rainymay fall-road http://rainymay.com/2010/06/30/my-converse/ http://rainymay.com/2010/06/30/my-converse/#comments Wed, 30 Jun 2010 13:37:36 +0000 Michelle Harris http://rainymay.com/?p=272 ]]>

I can’t remember how long I’ve had these black Converse with the leopard backs.  I wear them practically everyday and get so many comments on how fun, cute or stylish they are. I do know that I bought them at Ross, one of my favorite discount stores.

Unfortunately I have a disease. It’s  called, the bargain illness. It’s incurable, though I’m not sure this always a bad thing. Everywhere I go to purchase something I am looking for the best price. I have refused to buy something at the grocery store knowing that I can buy the item for a dollar less at the “other” store. The challenge with this is that I don’t always get to the “other” store and when I get home and don’t have the recipe item, I am frustrated.

Probably the worst part of this disease is when someone points out something I have purchased and they must patiently listen to me explain where I got it and the exact price I spent. I am always so proud.

So about the Converse. I got them for 9.99! Can you believe it?

About a month ago I was digging through my garage determined to find a set of silverware I thought I  had. No luck. In the process I found a familiar box that Scott had made in junior high wood shop. I opened it up to find old love notes and movie stubs from me, that he had saved.

My mind began to whirl and I decided to make him a scrapbook with each of the letters. I gave it to him for our 21st wedding Anniversary. I knew he would be thrilled but I did not expect the amazing reaction of pleasure that he gave me. Don’t tell him I told,  but I think his eyes were glistening a bit.

We spent the rest of the day together. We started at Maltby Cafe for breakfast and shared the Bella Scramble. Then it was off to Kirkland where he found a coffee shop and I found a fun consignment shop and of course I didn’t leave empty-handed. From there we headed to a fun sidewalk cafe with a view and ordered some baked brie to go with our brews. The waterfront park was full of activity and it was entertaining to watch all the movement.

As if that wasn’t enough food for the day we ended by eating at a Sushi restaurant in the International District. My mouth is watering just thinking about the Tempura crusted tuna rolls that we ate.

I’m so fortunate to have found a guy who is so fun to hang with for a whole day and even more so, is willing to plan the day just for us. I’m just wondering how I can make every day my anniversary!

To sing about God’s love when I am hurting feels as if it is not the truth at all.

A question comes to mind: Is God’s greatest love demonstrated when we are in pain or when we have many earthly blessings being bestowed on us?

A couple of years ago we made a decision to follow God’s voice. In being obedient we had to ask our children to leave their home and friends, trusting that this decision would be the best for all of us, in the long run.

I, in all truth, have not had a harder moment, than inflicting pain on my kids with that decision. To think about it still brings tears to my eyes. To watch them sob in sadness was so much to bare. To walk along side them in the weeks and months to come and see their grief caused me to grieve deeply.

It makes me think of God. If we as earthly parents feel anguish when our children hurt, how much more does Jesus feel pain.

I think sometimes He knows that to deliver us from our pain or situation may not be the greatest act of love, though as humans we are sure that it is.

His greatest act of love is often allowing us to remain in the painful situation, while His heart is breaking for our suffering.

As a human parent I make educated guesses as to what is best for my children. God knows what is best and cares enough to feel me hurting and sit with me in my sorrow.

Isaiah 53:4

Or how about Molly’s amazing coffee cake recipe.(she got the recipe from a lady named Barbara at Kings Christian) Whenever we eat it I think back to the years when she lived with us. We would sit in the little sitting room of our 1902 home, our two toddler daughters romping around, sipping coffee and waiting anxiously for Molly to pull the yummy dish from the oven. I can taste the moment now as much as I can the coffee cake.

Then there’s Julie Barran’s recipe for Atkins diet cheesecake. We were on a Atkins kick and I can’t count the times I made this back in the day to satisfy our cravings. I know we lost pounds all because we could have dessert!

Then there was Jim and Kim York. Oh how Kim could cook. We served as fellow pastors on staff at Bethany Christian Assembly. Back in the day when churches still did pot-lucks, it was always a safe bet to head for Kim’s food. One recipe that I still do quite often is her Broccoli Raisin Salad. Delicious.

I always think of my mom whenever I make her rolls. I make them so often that family  now call them,”Michelle’s rolls,” but I can’t take the credit for these mouth-watering, melt in your mouth creations. I also love them because they are so easy. I just throw all 6 ingredients into the bread machine and an hour and a half later they can be popped into the oven. Oh the smell!

Grama Reimer comes fondly in view whenever I make German Pancakes and  just last week I made Grama Loen’s chocolate frosting, which far surpasses any packaged frosting.

My favorite recipes are so much more than a party for me and my family’s mouths. They are a path to the past and a connection to the people who have helped shape who I am. Ha ha that’s funny..helped add to my shape is more like it!

Being left behind, I decided Cambria and I would not be bored. I lined up some fun things for us to do starting with pedicures and then off for a shopping venture in the city.  We hunted for clothes and accessories til we were pooped. We enjoyed a yummy dinner at Pacific Place that overlooked the city.

We were feeling quite silly after dinner, or at least I was. Cambria had to go potty so bad so she waddled off to the bathroom with me trailing. I watched a guy watching her waddle with a quizzical look on his face. It was so funny that I started laughing. Cam chastised me,”It’s not funny!” which made me laugh more. By the time I got to the stall I was rolling. I was full on laughing out loud uncontrollably and yes there were other woman in the restroom(when is there not!).

Today we are off to Greenlake with our picnic lunch.

Cambria and I created a tongue twister for the day: It’s only sunny sometimes in Seattle, so soak it up on this spectacular Sunday.

Say that 10 times fast.

Back to the call,”Umm Mom, the car’s not here. We came out to the street where we parked and the whole row of cars is gone!”

“What?” I hollered, much too loud for a library.

“Yeah, It’s gone and there are signs that say ‘no parking after 3:30.” Cambria reports.

Scott, Marissa and I rush out of the library and onto the street to the missing cars, our car being one of them. I let out a few choice expletives! I was so mad and to top it off some guy was staring at us out of his apartment window. We were his entertainment for the day I’m sure. I wondered how many times he’d watched the same scene unfold. But did he have to stare?

Sure enough, there were plenty of signs letting us know that the parking stalls, were only stalls until 3:30. The good news was that Logan’s dad was on his way so he offered to take us to the impound lot. Not room in the car for all of us so Marissa and I sat in a coffee shop waiting.

Our cheap family day turned into 173 dollars to retrieve the car plus 40 dollars for the parking ticket. A little over 200 dollars!  Why stop there? We decided sushi sounded good and we may as well blow some more money! As the old saying goes, if you can’t beat em join em! Well, I’m not sure if that cliché works here, but you get my drift.

Which brings me to today. I got to focus on my two girls. First off I drove Marissa and a friend to the movies and to the mall, then I carpooled Cambria and her friend, Megan, to the train station. They are going on an adventure to Portland to visit Megan’s aunt. I gave them hugs as they left and reminded them of 2 billion safety things that I’m sure they didn’t want to hear.

Then off to Safeway to pick up goodies to create the Easter baskets. Forget that they are teens because that does not matter once a tradition has been created. Then I hurried home and rolled out the dough, baked the sugar cookies, all in time for Marissa and Kristin to decorate this evening.

These actions may not be much different from what you did today. (I didn’t mention the laundry,cleaning, or cooking dinner) I want myself to KNOW, in the moment, that what I do is important. I am proud of myself today. I hope you can really see the difference you’re making in your children’s lives, by the everyday duties you do.