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It is no secret to myself that I possess the gift of mercy. What has been a secret, up until recently, is how that gift gets used and how it often controls my behavior without intention. What I mean is that I am so quick to respond with words of mercy to those who are feeling pain or discomfort. Sometimes before thinking I am trying to rescue people from what ails them.

This can be a strength or a weakness. I have seen God use this gift to encourage others and to help them to help themselves. When it becomes dysfunctional or potentially co-dependent is when I start to feel the weight of others pain and spend too much time trying to “fix” others.  It can also be less than helpful for the recipient of my “fixing” especially if they are someone who is looking for a savior.

What  I am learning is that people need to help themselves and at just the right time they will. However as long as there are “fixers” in the world they have the potential to actually get in the way of people taking responsibility for themselves and seeing the strength that lies within them.

I am learning, however slowly it may be, to pause when I feel the all-consuming emotion of “fix” come over me. I am learning to quietly pray and ask God how, if at all, that He wants me to assist. Honestly, I love people and want to help them  so it will remain 2 steps forward  and 1 step back as I learn to balance the strengths and weakness’ of my gift.

Well another new year is under way and as many of you, I am pondering some goals for 2010. I have a small list. Nothing too daunting but enough to give me a challenge.

The forerunner for this year, in my list of goals is simple.  It is to be fully present in the moment. In looking back, I realize that I have had a tendency to always be looking forward. To be planning for the next big vacation, event, achieved accomplishment, etc. I know these things are important but as I’ve heard before, “life happens while you’re making plans.”

I was tempted to abandon my new goal today.

I was brought back to reality and my new years goal by a friend who sent me a text saying that she was feeling sad about how fast her daughters were growing up. That did it. I got my family together and we headed into the city for a night of food and fun. I think the best part of the night came when my daughter Cambria saw a photo opp. So out of the car Marissa and I jumped as we hoisted Cambria upon a fence so she could get the optimal angle. We giggled and laughed and this I will remember forever.

I’m not sure what came over me this year. I did something I have never done before. I broke a rule. Oh, I’ve broken rules, just not this one. Let me back up. About a month ago I was in shopping in Safeway when the yearly gloom came over me as I saw the Christmas things on the shelves. Oh not Christmas already, I thought. Maybe we could go somewhere sunny or how about a chalet up in the mountains. Any idea to escape Christmas. I know this is a bah humbug attitude but it’s not like I get pleasure in feeling this way. It’s just that every year I work so hard, like every other woman on the planet to make Christmas amazing  for me and mine, and at the end of the season I am exhausted!

So I did it. I broke the unwritten rule that says you can’t “deck the halls” until after Thanksgiving. I decided if I got an earlier start on the process of Christmas I would enjoy it more and that would have a ripple effect to my family. Yesterday I drug out all of my holiday decor, lit the candles, and started singing, “…tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la!”

Some rules were meant to be broken.

I love surprises! Only good ones of course. I like when it gets cold outside and I am surprised to see snow on the ground when I awake. When I was little I used to looked outside several times a night to see if I could see the white stuff coming down, which would lead to the greatest surprise of all, no school!

There are other surprises too, like last Friday night. I had to work in the Green lake area so I brought Scott along and dropped him at a coffee shop while I went to my appointment. During my meeting I asked the client of a good place to eat in the neighborhood. What a surprise to find a little restaurant that served their own brews and delicious comfort foods, just around the corner.

One of my favorite surprises happened a couple of years ago when I was driving home from work one night. I was listening to the radio when the DJ announced that the 7th caller would win tickets to see Chris Botti. I thought, well why not me? I called. I almost drove off the road when the person on the other end of the receiver declared me the winner! All month prior to this incident I kept saying to Scott,”Hey we got to get tickets to see  Chris Botti  when he comes.”

I love Autumn because a surprise storm might come upon us causing the power to go out! The little girl emerges and I go a hunting for candles and blankets. It is just the excuse to make a fire and nestle in for the adventure.

A surprise is, simply put, a reason for me to be diverted from the routine and enjoy a good time doing it!

What surprises do you enjoy? Care to share?

No I haven’t lived for a century… yet. I just cycled in my first century. That is to say, I just biked a hundred miles throughout Seattle with my husband and riding partner, Scott.

What an amazing experience! Well it wasn’t amazing till I looked back on it at the finish line.

It was a much hillier coarse than we could have anticipated and those hills are exactly the range my emotions took throughout the 9 hr day. In the beginning I stood up to engage one mini elevation and without realizing it at the time, I tweaked my knee. This little ache in my joint had me worried from the start. With all of the preparation I had put in to the event I was afraid the pain would increase and cause me to have to quit. But as most things in my life it remained a mere worry and didn’t stop me from continuing. I adapted and took all of the climbs in a seated position.

The first major hill was the biggest of them all. In hindsight I find myself giggling as I recall the words that came out of my mouth. In one breath I heard myself saying,”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and in the next mouthful it was “#@%!! ” Thank goodness I didn’t scream this for everyone to hear. I didn’t have enough oxygen to do so.

I learned something new about myself from this challenge. I love hills. When I engaged to ascend the climb something inside took over. An adrenaline and a strength I had not known before emerged and revealed something that surprised me. The sense of accomplishment in completing this hundred miles brings forth incredible emotion, even as I type this two months later.

What I have learned before about myself  was proven once again:  I am stronger than I think I am and it is only at the hardest moments that this truth is unveiled. Can’t wait for the next one. I think I’ll make it two hundred miles!

This past week Scott was out of town at a conference and Marissa went to camp.  I decided to take the opportunity to enjoy some time with Cambria so on Tues night I turned down all appointments to hang out with my oldest daughter.

We decided to go to Olive Garden but before dinner we went to the nail salon to make an appointment for a pedicure. Their last time slot was at 7:00 so we hurried to the restaurant and had a quick dinner so we could fit in some feet fun.

As we were leaving the restaurant at a harried pace, so as not to be late for our appointment, the hostess, as always said, “Goodnight.” Before I could think about what my lips would say I replied, “Goodnight. Love you.” What! Did I just say that? Love you?

Cambria and I burst out laughing as we kept right on walking out the door. I paused outside to bend over to keep myself from peeing my pants. We laughed all the way to the car. Cambria has been telling this story to everyone she sees this past week. Glad I can provide the material for everyone to get a hardy laugh.

I had such a great weekend. The top three reasons why: I wasn’t working, I was hanging with my youngest daughter, Marissa, and I saw the big orange ball in the sky.

Yesterday was the absolute best. I slept in a bit, went to cycling class and then went garage selling with Mariss. We were on mission: (Scott’s favorite saying) to find a nice, new queen size mattress. I have been praying forever for a good deal. Call me old fashioned, even a bit corny, but I pray for all needs in our life. We came upon an estate sale where we found a new mattress with the tags still on it. Only 25 dollars…hurray!

Probably the best part of the day came from the simplest thing. Mariss and I spread out a blanket on top of our lounge chair cushions out on the deck. We laid ourselves down and proceeded to absorb the warmth from the sun. It felt so good. I listened to the birds chirping and the children’s laughter next door. The aroma of fresh pine, smoke from a nearby fire and fresh cut grass all mingled together and filled me up.  In this peaceful state I drifted to sleep. It was the best nap ever.

I have wrapped this memory up in my head, to open at just the right (hectic) moment, to remind myself of how good life truly is.

In one of my recent posts I talked about how I loved my job, “most of the time.” This is one of those weeks that is in the realm outside of “most of the time.” I have been riding a roller coaster of appointment times not working with my existing schedule. If I don’t take a signing that is offered to me than I don’t get paid. That simple.

Today I was totally stressing as appointments got canceled and I got offered many signings during the time slot that is already obligated by a prior commitment. I got off of the phone and full of emotion I said out loud to God, “I am so frustrated. What in the heck am I supposed to do?”

I heard my daughter Marissa, call me from the other room. She greeted me with a huge smile on her face and said, “mom, I did it! I’ve memorized all of my verses for school! Can you listen?” So there I stood as she began, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…Is not life more important than food? …Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap… and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. ARE YOU NOT MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN THEY?…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?…For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father know that you need them.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes as she spoke. We embraced each other in a big hug, “mommy it will all work out. It always does.” It is so humbling to hear the truth from the mouth of the one I am supposed to be teaching.